An Artemis Fowl Valentines Day
by SpellboundX
Summary: The LEP’s Annual Valentines Festival and the Champagne Ball is to be set at Fowl Manor this year. What interesting things can happen in only seven days... Set after EC **UPDATED! CH 7 UP**
1. An Invitation

**Chapter One: An Invitation**

**Lower Elements Police Operations Booth**

**Haven**

**February 4**

"SHORT!!!"

Holly rushed into the Op Booth, holstering her weapon and trying to fix her helmet hair at the same time. "Captain Short, reporting," she gasped.

Commander Root, looking a lovely shade of deep magenta and smoking a large fungus cigar, looked up from a desk full of papers. "It's about time," he growled. "How did the goblin mission go? Was Darius all right?"

Holly rolled her eyes and made a guttural sound somewhere between a groan and a sigh. Darius Jarg was the new heartthrob of the LEPrecon. He was the most handsome warlock in the LEP and, at only 78 years old, also the youngest. You can't judge a book by its cover, though. He was one of the most idiotic officers the force had ever admitted, scoring a whopping 42.3 on the required IQ test. His grandfather, however, was the head Chairman of War for Frond's army, so he was guaranteed a spot wherever he wanted it.

Holly, of course, had nothing but the deepest contempt for Darius. He was one of her rookies, and constantly got in the stickiest situations that usually required Holly's assistance in getting him out. It didn't help that Darius was a major flirt, and as Holly didn't fall all over him, he always went out of his way for her. Just thinking about him made Holly put her head down on the table and let out a low groan.

Foaly clopped out from behind one of the many plasma screens, his hairy arms full of spark plugs and a few uneaten carrots. "You know," he quipped, "you could switch Darius the Flirt out of Holly's troupe. He is a moron." The elf in question hit her head against the table. The centaur winced. "It would certainly make her life a little easier."

"He would never agree to it," she said, depressed. She slammed her head against the table again.

"Will you please stop doing that?" demanded Foaly.

"Sorry," she apologized. He trotted back behind the plasma screens and Holly bashed her head on the tabletop again.

She turned to the commander. "He was fine alright, but only after I pulled him out of the pit of chute slugs." She sighed. "He is a danger to the force, Commander. Why won't you just throw him out?"

The commander gave her a stern look. "You know his political standings, Captain. I couldn't throw him out without having an uprising on my hands." He sat down in a swivel chair and leaned back, his hands behind his head. "But I could assign him street duty for a few years."

Holly was opening her mouth to agree when a young sprite stuck her head in the door. "Commander Root?" she said pertly. "There's a message for you on the Circuit."

"Thank you, Lowry," he replied. She nodded and left. The commander turned to his portable laptop and opened the Circuit. The Circuit was a private LEP email and instant messaging system and yet another one of Foaly's proudest inventions.

Holly used the time the Commander took to log in to think more about Darius. He was a problem, no doubt about it. But would street patrol really solve it? What he really needed was a good 50 years in jail next to a really smelly troll. But on what charges? Maybe she could-

"What the… Foaly? GET IN HERE!!!" Holly shot out of her seat and had her Neutrino out of its holster before she remembered that they were in a secured tech booth and no one in their right mind would storm the LEP.

"FOALY!? Why do I have an email from FOWL in my supposedly 'secure' Circuit inbox???"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Holly, Root and Foaly all stood around the small portable laptop and stared blankly at the screen. In a lightly blue tinted inbox, a dark gold unread message stood out. The sender was "Artemis Fowl II" and the subject was "You have been Invited."

"What in Frond's name…?" breathed Holly. She turned to the centaur. "How could he send the Commander an email on a private internal system?"

Foaly just blinked at her. "How should I know how that crooked little mind of his works? When considering Artemis Fowl, it's best to just accept that the impossible can and will happen." He snorted and then smirked conceitedly. "And it is impossible, I might add. The Circuit's network is entirely secure and impenetrable. "

"Well, not anymore apparently," Root growled. "See what Fowl wants."

Foaly opened the email and read it aloud:

"Dear Commander Root," he read,

"I have received word about certain festivities that occur during this time in the year underground, namely the LEP's Annual Valentines Festival and the Champagne Ball. I would like to formally invite the LEP to host the festival and its concluding dance at my home, Fowl Manor, instead of the gymnasium at the fitness center in Police Plaza. Seeing as the Valentines Festival starts in two days, I will allow Masters Foaly, Trouble Kelp, Julius Root, and Mulch Diggums and Miss Holly Short to Fowl Manor today or at your earliest convenience. This visit will be to make plans and oversee the arrangements being made.

Please contact me before you arrive on the surface. Butler will be waiting with the limousine.

Yours Sincerely,

Artemis Fowl, Junior"

Foaly finished reading the email and looked at Holly and Root. A moment of complete quiet followed as the occupants of the room stared blankly at each other.

Root was the first to break the silence. "Well, what do we do now?"

Foaly shook his head and turned to the laptop, his fingers scuttling across the keyboard. "What else _can_ we do?" he said over his shoulder. "We'll take up his offer, alright. What have we got to loose?"

Holly groaned. That comment was going to come back and bite them in the butt.

And guess what? She was right.


	2. Arrival

**Chapter Two: Arrival**

**E1: Tara**

**Ireland**

**February 6**

Artemis adjusted his collar as he glanced at his watch. 9:57 am and counting. He opened the lid of his Smart Book and checked the email he had received from Commander Root that morning. The Commander said they would meet him at E1at 10:00, "Mud Man time". The boy genius glanced at his watch again. 9:58. He sighed and ran his fingers through his raven-black hair.

"Everything okay back there, sir?" Artemis looked into the front seat of the limo and into the blue-black eyes of his bodyguard and best friend, Butler.

"I'm fine," He assured the older man. "Just… a tad impatient."

Butler turned back to his helicopter instruction manual and settled in for the remaining two minutes. Artemis closed his Smart Book and locked the lid with a small _click_. He leaned back in the burgundy leather seat and pulled a bottle of purified spring water from the limousine's bar. Just as he took a sip of the chilled liquid, he saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned, his drink forgotten, as a holly bush was raised up and a steel-plated tunnel entrance was revealed. He and Butler got out of the limo and closed the short distance between them and the fairies as they clambered out of the tunnel one by one.

"Ah, Commander. I am pleased you could make it," Artemis said as he reached the first of the diminutive forms emerging from underground. The elderly elf glanced at the human's outstretched hand and ignored it, instead electing to light a rather obnoxious fungus cigar.

"I'm sure you are, Mud Boy." Root replied around the cigar. Another hairy individual elbowed the commander aside and took the offered hand.

"Good to see you again, Artemis," Foaly grinned as he shook the Mud Man's pale hand. Artemis was smiling in return when he caught sight of another, younger, slimmer elf emerging from the shuttle port. Fully suited with a helmet on, the smaller fairy dusted off its uniform and walked over to the group. Artemis dropped Foaly's hairy hand and turned to greet the newest arrival. "Hello Holly," he said.

The elfin captain took off her helmet and shook out her short auburn hair, its lighter hints catching the light. Her hazel eyes sparkled in the sun and her breath crystallized in the chilly Irish February air. She tucked her helmet under her arm and ran her small hand through her vibrant red locks, her cheeks flushed with the slight chill. She turned toward the almost completely risen sun and, with a small smile of pleasure, breathed in her first full breath of the sweet, crisp above-ground air. Then she turned to the young Irish gentleman by the limousine and shot him a dazzling, pearly white smile. "Hello, Artemis."

Artemis caught his breath. She was so much more beautiful than he remembered… no, she was a comrade. He took in a controlled lungful of air and held out his hand for the Captain to shake. She glanced suspiciously at the hand and pointedly ignored it as she turned to the larger Mud Man. "Hey Butler!" she said with a giant grin that spread widely across her small elfin features. "How's it going above ground?"

Butler smiled back at Holly and replied with a laugh, "Would you believe me if I said uninteresting?"

Holly nodded her head toward Artemis' general vicinity and said, "With this one as your charge? No way." Artemis groaned to himself, ran his hand through his raven colored hair, and went to speak with Commander Root.

"Commander, I take it you received my message?" he said with a smirk.

The Commander bit down hard on one of his fungus cigars. "Yes Fowl, it just so happens I did. Now can we get this thing over and done with already?"

"Of course, Commander." With that, the fairies and Artemis piled into the back of the long black stretch limousine.

Holly glanced around at the dark mahogany and leather interior of the limo and shook her head. Some people had more money than they knew what to do with. She was just thinking what she could do with all this money (bribes, false felony charges, face lift…) when Artemis cleared his throat. She decided, after a brief internal battle, to listen to what he had to say.

"As you are all aware," he began as Mulch started to raid the built in mini-fridge, "the LEP has its Annual seven-day Valentines Festival and Champagne Ball in the crowded, quite inadequate gymnasium at the LEP fitness center. I would like to offer my mansion as the center for the activities of the six days of the Festival and the concluding Champagne Ball. I have made arrangements for every LEP officer attending the Festival to be flown up through the chutes on a fleet of shuttles I booked this morning. That is," he added with a calculating glance, "if you wish to make good my offer?"

Root was speechless for a second, then said gruffly, "We'll take you up on your offer, Fowl." He turned to Foaly and gestured for the centaur to take over.

Foaly nodded and started to talk logistics with Artemis. Holly found that to be rather boring and instead decided to stare out the window. The Irish countryside was, she thought, definitely one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen in her life. Even as the country had industrialized, the isolated outer reaches of the isle were almost untouched by pollution _[AN: I don't live in Ireland, so I have no idea if this is true. If anyone reading this lives in Ireland, please press the pretty little green "Review" button at the bottom and let me know. I am not ashamed to fix things!!! =)]_ and retained their ancient beauty.

Holly was jolted out of her musings by the Commander bellowing at the "convict" for eating up all the caviar before anyone else had even touched a glass of purified mineral water.

Sigh, she thought. This was going to be interesting._ [AN: is it weird to think in sighs? I do… but then again, I'm weird, so I don't think I really have a realistic point of view on this…]_


	3. D1: P1: We Meet the FuzzMan

**Chapter Three- DAY ONE: Part One- We Meet the FuzzMan**

**Fowl Manor**

**Ireland**

**February 7**

Holly sat up slowly, not wanting to wake up, yet knowing that Commander Root would skewer her, filet her, and grill her with stink-worm juice for breakfast if she didn't get to work soon. She groaned, her eyes not yet open. She slung her legs off the side of her bed and slipped to the floor.

Well, what she thought was the floor.

Where her feet should have stopped, where they stopped after she did this same exact thing on her small bed, they just kept falling. Captain Holly Short of the LEPrecon let out a squeak and her eyes shot open as she fell off of the Mud Man sized bed in a small guest bedroom of Fowl Manor.

She ended in an undignified heap on the cold wooden floorboards, still slightly confused as to where she was and how she got there. Then it came back to her as she gradually woke up from her "in-between dreaming and waking" state. They had driven back to the Manor from Tara and arrived in time for lunch, after which Root, Foaly and Fowl had disappeared into Artemis' study to discuss plans for the following week and Holly and Juliet played cards in the library. After losing six games of Texas Hold- 'Em and three games of Go Fish (played with Mulch and Butler), Holly gave up and went to find a good mystery book out of the Fowl's extensive library. She ended up with the classic _Elephants Can Remember_ by Agatha Christie and settled down for the afternoon. Dinner was uneventful, unless you count Mulch attempting to start a food fight but only succeeding to spill tomato and basil sauce all over Artemis and the Commander, after which the latter promptly knocked him out cold with his own spoon and dragged him out to the back yard. Holly had then gone straight to bed, exhausted after flying the shuttle early that morning and adjusting to the slight time change. _[AN: Do they have below-ground to above-ground time adjustments? I have no clue. But let's play Devil's Advocate here and, for the sake of my already teetering sanity, just say that there is. Okay?]_

Now Holly glanced at the small black and white analog clock on the nightstand. It read 8:13 AM. The Captain figured that she had plenty of time before everyone was up and it was time for breakfast, but she was ravenous after losing her appetite at dinner last night, so she decided to try to find the kitchen through the maze that is Fowl Manor.

She went over to the light blue cotton curtains and pulled them aside to let in the faint light let off from the sun, just below the horizon at this time. _[AN: Again, I have NO IDEA if the sun is below the horizon to 8:13 in Ireland on February 7. Just go with me here, okay? For my sanity? Please? Thanks. I knew I could count on you guys. =)]_ She turned and surveyed the guest room she had been assigned the previous night.

_[AN: I had fun writing this description. Like, a LOT of fun. I basically created here what I would love to have as my room, with a few exceptions that I had to make in order for the room to go a little more with Holly's personality and less with my own. But if you honestly don't care about my dream room, (cry cry) then skip this next bit. It doesn't have any real importance to the story, but I really wanted to put it in. K?]_

The bed was a full, perfect for her size, and set on the wall opposite from the door. It was draped in dark blue and indigo sheets and a deep red cloth lay across a small mahogany chest by the foot of the bed. The four poster bed itself was a lovely, dark wood that Holly couldn't identify, but it was beautiful. The sheer white canopies hung on the top were held back on the posts by small black bands. The floor was long wooden floorboards, and a soft, midnight blue rug with a South Asian print covered the center. The walls were a light orange with a red and blue painted design trailed aimlessly around them at waist height. A desk of the same wood as the bed was set against the wall to the left of the windows. On it was a small black laptop, various antique looking books, notebooks, pens, a tasteful silver lamp, and a Middle Eastern vase with what looked like artificial sunflowers. A black wood chair with a red cushion sat in front of it. A deep blue floor lamp with a stained glass shade stood in the corner next to a small black painted table with a stack of books on it and a deep orange, cloth covered armchair.

Holly crossed the floor to a deep red painted door and opened it, revealing a spacious yet small closet. She experimentally opened a few drawers and was shocked to find that all the clothing was in her size. Apparently, Artemis had done a little research before their arrival. She wondered how long the genius had been planning this.

She pulled on a pair of dark skinny jeans, a dark blue tank, and a black lacy over shirt. She went for a pair of black flats, but then strayed towards the small overnight bag she had packed and brought out her worn, scribbled-on Converse All-Stars. _[AN: Like my FAVORITE outfit right now. I really am putting in a lot of these author's comment things, aren't I? Oh well. =)]_ She pulled her shoulder-length auburn hair into a ponytail as she walked out the door and into the dimly lighted hallway beyond. With a snort of contempt she noticed that the primitive Fowls _[AN: Oxymoron. Gah, there I go again. .]_ still used keys for the locks on their doors. This particular one was small, silver, and ornate. She didn't lock the door, but removed the key and slipped it into her pocket as a memento.

Holly took a left and started down the corridor. Her feet made almost no noise on the think oriental carpet that ran the length of the hallway as she turned corners and walked long passages, trying to find an end to the seemingly endless walls and doorways of dark paneled wood. Finally, she came to the grand staircase and descended it, ending up in the foyer. She glanced around, trying to figure out the best way to turn to get to the kitchen when she smelled something delicious and heard a timer go off with an obnoxious _BEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEEP._

She followed the smell through a doorway, down three hallways, past a gym, and across what seemed suspiciously like an obstacle course, complete with deep pits, ladders, and rings across the ceilings and walls.

Eventually she came to a kitchen tastefully decorated in a deep, forest green and butter yellow. There she saw Juliet in a hot pink apron smudged with flour bending over the oven and frowning. "Good morning Juliet," Holly said.

Juliet whirled around and brought her fists up to a defensive stance before she saw who it was. She then relaxed her pose and smiled broadly. "Morning Holly! Why are you up so early? Geez, elf, you scared me. Don't do that! You want me to accidently take your head off? Omigosh, I love that dark blue on you. It really accents your hair! I could do so much with a little makeup and a curling iron for your- UMPH!!"

The abrupt end to her frantic rambling was Holly firmly placing her hand over the Mud Girl's mouth. "Juliet," she said slowly. "I am very, very happy to see you. But please, girl, try not to talk my ears off when I first get here? Okay?" Juliet nodded, and Holly removed her hand. "Now, what smells so good?" She walked over to the oven and peered inside.

Juliet walked over and pulled on oven mitts. "That would be cinnamon rolls you're smelling." She opened the door of the large oven and pulled out four trays loaded with the sweet buns. "I made enough for everyone!" She snagged a spatula and a bowl of icing and started smearing the rolls with the homemade gloop.

"Cinnamon rolls?" asked Holly. "I've never had them. But if they taste as good as they smell, then I'm all for trying one."

The Mud Girl stopped her spreading for a second and stared open-mouthed at the elf. 'Never had a…" She feigned a swoon _[AN: Wow that sounds so antique. "Feigned a swoon," like something from an opera or like an old movie. Where do I come up with this stuff? I don't even know.]_ as Holly gave her a don't-be-ridiculous look. Juliet smiled back at her and finished icing the cinnamon rolls and set them aside to cool. "Now we wait for five minutes while the icing cools and, in the process, go wake everyone else up so they can enjoy them with us!"

The two females grinned sadistically at each other. Juliet quickly pulled off her luminescent apron and they raced out of the kitchen.

"Allright," the human whispered when they came to the hall of guest rooms. "This is Root's door here," she said while indicating a dark wooded door. "We can do him first, or we can do Trouble. His room is here." She pointed to a white door further down the hall. She continued, "Mulch slept in the old barn in the field over to the west side of the house with Foaly, since we couldn't disguise them or find them a comfortable room anywhere else inside the house, what with Foaly being half-horse and Mulch wanting to submerge the room we gave him with mud. Artemis' room is on the third floor, and Butler's is downstairs next to mine. So," she rubbed her hands together. "Where do we start?"

Holly deliberated for a moment, and then said simply, "Trouble. He can help us with Root."

"Great thinking!" Juliet crept up to the white door on her tippy toes and opened it slowly, slowly, sloooooooowwwwwwwlllllllllyyyyyy, so that only a crack was visible. She peered inside and waved Holly over. The elf snuck up just as silently as the human had and they both carefully eased themselves inside Trouble's room. Holly took a moment to glance around. The room was simple, black, white, and blue themed, with a small four poster bed like her own. On this bed was Major Trouble Kelp of the LEPrecon, shirtless, snoring gently, covers thrown almost off the bed, and hugging a honey-colored teddy bear to his bare chest.

Holly noticed the bear first. She stared in shock for a few seconds, then her face got red and spasms racked her small frame as she tried, desperately, not to laugh. Juliet looked at her questioningly, and then looked where Holly was pointing. Her eyes got wide and the look on her face was so priceless, it took all the self-control Holly had to not lose it right then.

Then Juliet pulled out her cell phone and took a few pictures of the scene.

It was too much for Holly.

She lost it.

Trouble was shaken out of dreamland by the gale storm of laughter coming from the two girls currently rolling around on the dark blue shag carpet of his guest room. He had no idea why they were in there or why they were laughing, until he remembered the teddy bear. His eyes got wide as saucers when he saw the camera phone in Juliet's hand. He was even more embarrassed because….well… it was Juliet who had seen him and Fuzz Man. He didn't want Juliet to think of him as a sissy boy.

Groaning, he turned over and pulled the covers back onto the bed, completely covering himself, and stuck his head under a pillow to try to block out the ever-increasing laughter.


	4. D1: P2: Get Ready to Party

**Chapter Four- DAY ONE: Part Two- Getting Ready to Party**

**Fowl Manor**

**Ireland**

**February 7**

After a huge and fulfilling breakfast of cinnamon rolls, to one of which Mulch had proposed after the first bite, the company took themselves to the front lawn to greet the slew of LEP officers that were being systematically dropped off by transport shuttles. By the end of the hour, the entire police force was standing uncomfortably in what used to be the most unsafe field of lush Irish grass in the northern hemisphere. It was 9:15 by the time the combined efforts of Root and Trouble had succeeded in calming down the crowd. Actually, it had taken a flat "QUIET!" by Butler to silence the fairies. If there was anything that could instill enough fear with a glance into the hearts of time-hardened LEP elves, it was the sight of the huge European manservant.

Artemis took his place on the front steps of the manor and called out to the few hundred _[AN: rough estimate. I don't know how many fairies are employed by the LEP. If anyone can find a figure in one of the books and give me a page number, I will go change it]_ officers present:

"Officers of the LEP. It is with great pleasure that I welcome you to my home, Fowl Manor. This will be the center for all of the festivities that take place during the Annual Valentines Festival and the concluding Champagne Ball. The itinerary for today is as follows-

From this time until eight-o'-clock this evening, you have free reign of the grounds. Various guest houses are set up all over the grounds. I trust that the pilots of your shuttles have done as instructed and given you a map of the grounds and the manor, as well as your house and room assignments. I suggest that this time be used to get settled in your new accommodations. Lunch has been provided for on a house- to- house basis- every guest home has a fully functioning and amply stocked kitchen as well as the living and sleeping areas. Dinner is in the main banquet hall at eight. There you will be handed the full itinerary for the rest of your stay here. Tonight we will have various activities set up on the back lawn, next to the lake pavilion. Feel free to join and retire to your cabins at any time. Final lock-up for those festivities is two a.m. And," he turned to Root, "if there are no further issues to address?" Root shook his head. "You have free reign over the grounds. Dinner is to be served at eight. Please be punctual. Thank you."

Artemis descended the steps to Holly, Butler, Root, and Trouble. "Did I cover everything?"

Butler replied, "I believe so, Artemis. Now," he nodded to his master, "if you don't mind, sir, I will go start my rounds."

Artemis nodded, and Butler strode across the wide expanse of grass towards the front door. Holly watched the fairies on the lawn part like the Red Sea before Moses for the big man to pass through. She sighed and shook her head- old habits die hard.

She followed the Commander to a group of elves and sprites gathered around a hydrangea bush. Vinyáya was speaking to them in a low, confidential tone. As Holly and Root drew closer, they could make out the words "security cameras in the hallways" and "personnel at all times". The sprite saw the Commander and ushered him over with a motion of her hand. Foaly clip-clopped past Holly to join the discussion about security during the festival. Seeing that she was not needed in this conversation, the elf climbed the steps to the front door and entered through the elaborate entrance.

Up the grand staircase, down a few hallways, around countless corners, and about 15 minutes later, Holly found what she was searching for. She entered the surveillance room silently, and took a good look around. After the Jon Spiro incident, the People had enough faith in the young Fowl to not unleash some horrendous scheme against them in the seven days that they were occupying his manor, but not enough to try to cook up _some_thing.

That was why Foaly had entrusted her with one of his newest pieces of technology. She could still recall the lecture he had given her before they left for aboveground.

"Holly, I have a mission for you" he had said, while simultaneously carting around about half of the technology from his lab and trying to shove it all into the compact trunk of the shuttle, much to the pilot's annoyance- the pilot being Holly. "It involves one of my newest devices."

He deposited the last of his bags and closed the trunk with difficulty. He then turned to her and gave her a large and rather gaudy silver ring with a yellow jewel on the front. She looked at it with apprehension and quipped, "I'm sorry, centaur, but I don't date out of my own species, much less consider marriage."

He scowled at her and pushed the red jewel in with his thumb. The back of the circle opened up, and the ring flattened itself out while the bands separated into four tiny grey legs on each side. The result was a glowing yellow spider.

Foaly held it up to her face and explained. "This is what I like to call the System Programming, Yellow Device for Entertainment and Recreation. Or SPYDER, if you will."

Holly raised an eyebrow at the creature in front of her nose. "Yellow?"

The centaur sniffed, offended and slightly embarrassed. "I had to have a word for the 'Y', okay? Rhymezone doesn't have a very extensive vocabulary, especially when you search 'match these letters' and just put in 'y'." _[AN: which is what happened to me.]_

"I see," she responded. "So, in thirty year old dwarf terms, what does it do?"

"Basically, once attached to any modern day Mud Man camera feed, it records and broadcasts the images that appear on the screens to a private database that I have set up on one of my many laptops. It also has an interface that connects to the storage of the videos, so that if anything is recorded that we don't want to be on the records, we can wipe it."

"So what you want me to do," Holly guessed, "is put it on Fowl's cameras."

Foaly beamed. "Exactly."

So that was what Holly was doing here in the surveillance room. She pulled the heavy ring off her finger and glanced around the room for the beset place to put the SPYDER. There were no exposed wires anywhere, so she decided (with a diabolical smile and a warm tingly feeling) to cut a hole in the wall and get to them that way.

She walked over to the console and knelt by one of the panels. With disappointment she saw that it was held in with screws. So there would be no slicing. O well.

She had extracted the screwdriver and just gotten the screws out when she heard the footsteps. She quickly pulled the panel away from the wall and hit the yellow jewel on the ring. The legs popped out and scuttled towards the wires now visible through the hole. It twittered happily and quickly suckered onto one of the silvery cords, its yellow light starting to blink as it processed data. Just as Foaly had told her it would.

When Butler opened the door to the surveillance room on his rounds, the only thing that could have given Holly away was the slightly trembling curtain on the open window. But that was the wind of course.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Meanwhile, the Master Artemis himself was sitting at his computer, scowling at the screen. This was something that he should not have to do. He was a criminal mastermind, a genius, a child prodigy; and yet this menial task was the best he could contribute. Of course, he could do it, but he doubted that his selections would be adequate to the needs and wants of his guests. Perhaps a bit of help was to be enlisted in this.

He pushed the button for the intercom. "Juliet, come to my room, if you will."

When the blonde entered a few minutes later, the youngest Fowl was still hunched over his laptop, glaring at it as if it had personally insulted him and he was about to throw down the gauntlet and challenge it to a duel. "You called, Master Artemis?"

He looked up and replied, "Yes. I have a challenge for you."

She swallowed. Those words out of the mouth of Artemis Fowl never boded well. "What kind of challenge, exactly?"

He seemed to notice her terror and made an effort to calm her down. Well, an Artemis effort. All me managed was a lame "Um, it's not that difficult actually. I mean, I think it is, but that's probably not a good judge-" When all he managed to do was make Juliet look even more horrified, he stopped. Then he sighed.

"It's actually not as horrifying as I'm making it sound, Juliet. I have been instructed," By Holly, he thought, "to create the… playlist… for tonight, and I doubt that my selections will be appropriate."

The girl's eyes gleamed. "You want me to make the playlist?" Artemis nodded, and she jumped up and down in place clapping her hands. "Omigosh there's going to be all the newest hits and Brittney and Rihanna and T.-Pain and everyone and it's going to be amazing and I can't wait to… to…" At this, Artemis raised his head.

Holly was standing in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed. She was looking reproachfully at Juliet. When she spoke, it was in measured tones. "Doth mine ears deceive me, or did I just hear someone utter the words 'playlist' and 'Brittney Spears' in the same sentence?"

Artemis tried to save Juliet by explaining that he had asked her to help him compile the music selection, but in a few minutes the poor Mud Girl was back in the kitchen and Holly was sitting at Artemis' laptop with her iPod plugged into the side. Most fairies preferred the new micro chips that could be imbedded into a pendant and strung on a chain around the neck. The vibrations travelled up the bone structure and into the auditory nerve, creating the illusion of music being played. The pendants had projectors that created holograms that looked like the menu of a modern-day iPod. All you had to do was pick a song or playlist and put on the necklace. Holly preferred the old fashioned iPod Nano 4G in dark purple and her name laser engraved on the back _[AN: my iPod, obviously. Except mine says "you say you want a revolution" and then my name under it. my favorite song of all time =)))))]_

She was muttering to herself as she scrolled through the primitive version of iTunes On Artemis' laptop. He caught things like "Maybe a slower song in here somewhere," "Rise Against? Perhaps just some of their softer stuff so I don't scare anyone," and the especially frightening "Darn, I don't think BrokeNCYDE is such a good idea for this… we need to be careful about sensitive older fairies, and scream/techno might set them off."

After over an hour of deliberation, the Captain had managed to put together what she deemed a suitable playlist. "That ought to do it," she told the tired looking genius with a grin. She got up from the swivel chair and headed to the door, passing Butler with a wave before disappearing into the hallway.

He watched her go and turned to his master with a questioning look. When Artemis had explained what had happened, the manservant asked him, "But wasn't Holly the one who told _you_ to do the playlist?"

Artemis grinned his wolf-grin and told Butler, "Why do you think I asked Juliet to help me? Both Holly and I are aware of her… interesting musical taste. Hearing me over the intercom asking Juliet to help me with a 'challenge' seemed the best way to get Holly to realize that she's the only one who could organize the music exactly the way she wanted it." He shrugged. "Simple, really."

Butler shook his head once, reported that no security breaks were evident in the manor, and left to see to the seating arrangements for dinner. As he passed through the doorframe, an invisible lollipop flew past his skull and hit Artemis on the back of the head. He heard a darkly murmured "That will show him" and decided to let the Captain have that one and left Artemis puzzling over the bright red lollipop that was now lying on the carpet.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

On the other side of the manor, Foaly and Mulch were discussing a much more interesting subject than the musical selections for the evening. Foaly was just telling the diminutive figure that "That's impossible. She keeps everything in that one bag and I have no idea were that is and I doubt she would put it somewhere you would be able to find it" when the Commander walked into the stable.

He spotted the pair and ambled over to them, snorting at a chestnut pony that sniffed a bit to close to his jacket. "So," he asked them. "Any progress? We only have until the Ball."

Mulch and Foaly exchanged a glance, and the centaur took a breath. "We have an idea. However," here he glared at the dwarf, "I highly doubt the success of this particular plan. It requires a certain article of hers, and I'm not sure that even the professional thief here could pull off this snitch."

The kleptomaniac fairy put a stubby hand to the spot on his chest roughly where his heart must be. "I'm hurt," he whined. "I'm reformed." He stopped the charade as the boot of the Commander twitched towards his backside. "But on the bright side, I think I can get it. The only problem could be keeping her away, but the actual finding shouldn't take too long, and the snitching itself is a piece of cake."

"Good," growled Root. "I trust this means that we'll have it by tonight?" The two other fairies nodded, and the Commander spun on his heel and trudged out of the stable. Mulch quickly followed, and Foaly went straight to the laptop he had hidden in a bale of hay to erase the video of the plotting that had just taken place. Nothing to see here, he thought. Later he would have to do a bit of tampering with some other key cameras and set up some loops in the feed, but right now, he stole a few carrots from the nearest stallion and sat in the hay munching on them, thinking about what he, Mulch and Root were about to set in motion. The thought of that put a bigger smile on his face than the carrot.

AN: Hey guys. I would just like to add a little something in here-

Since this story has gone a bit farther and gotten more complex than it started, I think that a better title is in order. However, I have officially drawn a blank. So if you have any ideas, reply to this chapter and let me know.

We get to see the result of the plan in the next chapter, which is entirely devoted to the activities of the first night of the festival, starting with dinner, but I don't want to spoil the story by putting in the actual plan that Mulch, Root and Foaly hatched. So you can just use your imaginations for that.

I will try to get the next chapter up by Tuesday, but I'm not sure of that's going to work because I have ballet and that's going to be exhausting. But if by some miracle I get it done by tomorrow, it will be up.

Also, I will put the playlist Holly constructed up in the next chapter, for those who care. Which is probably no one, but it makes me feel good. So there you are.

Thank you again to those of you who caught the mistake in the plot. I probably never would have noticed if you hadn't said anything. So thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)))))


	5. D1: P3: Party at the Leper Colony

AN: Sorry, but it's a bit of a long chapter. I hope it's worth it though. I took a long time on this one, and it's my personal favorite =) So enjoy!!!!!!!!!

Also, about the title- it's a song by Weird Al. It's hysterical. Go look it up if you're curious.

**Chapter Five- DAY ONE: Part Three- Party at the Leper Colony**

**Fowl Manor**

**Ireland**

**February 7**

Juliet appeared on the back steps and surveyed the scene before her. Multiple tents were set up around the small lake, and even now a few of the swan-shaped love boats were being paddled around by the younger and more enthusiastic fairies. Various carnival games and activities were being played by the fairies already present, and more were trickling in every minute.

Satisfied, she shut the back door and started to descend the steps when she heard a small "YIUMPH!" Juliet turned around and saw a small boot caught in the door. She hurriedly opened the door and a very flustered Trouble Kelp fell out of the doorway. He looked at his shoes and blushed as she showered him with apologies and muttered, "It's fine, it's my fault, I wasn't looking." Then he raised his head and the breath in his lungs deserted him with a faint _whoosh_.

Juliet was… stunning. She wore a short, dark red skirt and a bright yellow off-the-shoulders tee shirt. She was raised several inches by the cherry red heels she was wearing, and her gold eyelashes fluttered at him as she smiled in apology with hot pink lips. Trouble looked self consciously at his plain dark pants and long green dress shirt. He started messing with the rolled up sleeves and Juliet stopped him.

"Here," she said, taking the sleeves from him and fixing the crease. Although she was kneeling, she was still just above his line of vision. He looked up into her gold-rimmed blue eyes and felt his heart melting in his chest. She smiled again, and he found himself smiling back at her. "All better now?" she asked. It took Trouble a minute to remember the sleeves, and he replied lamely, "Yeah."

_[AN: does Juliet have blue eyes? I couldn't find it in any of the books with a quick glance. If someone will check on that for me and let me know I would be very grateful.]_

They walked down the steps and into the festival grounds, where Trouble found his little brother on the ground near the balloon popping, complaining about his finger. Apparently the dart he had been given was more slippery than it should have been and it slipped and poked his finger. There wasn't even a mark. The older Kelp grabbed Grub and hoisted him up with the order to get over it and go have fun.

That was where Root found Trouble, staring after his brother, who was now raiding the cotton candy stand. "Sometimes I wish he had a bit more incentive," the elf told his Commander without moving or looking at him. "I wonder what career he will end up in. I'm sure my mother would love to be able to boast two LEP officers as sons, but I always have to worry about him getting killed because he's too busy whining about his hangnail than focusing on duty." The Major shook his head and turned to Root. "You wanted to see me sir?"

"Yes," he replied. "I have something to discuss with you. Foaly, the convict and I have a little… something planned for tonight. Hopefully it will get a bit of flare going between two certain people." He gave Trouble a knowing look, and the Major nodded. "We might need your help with something. You in?"

"Depends."

Root gestured for Trouble to lean in, and the Commander whispered into his ear for a few seconds. A wide smile spread across the younger elf's face.

"I'll do it."

"Wonderful," growled his superior officer. "I'll see you then. Be sure you keep it quiet. We don't want to ruin it." After this, he sauntered off as if nothing had just happened.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Holly was enjoying herself. She loved music. Always had and always will. So DJ was the perfect place for her. She glanced at the playlist she had created (_With no help from Artemis_, she thought sourly) and chose the next song- _The Rock Show_ by Blink-182. The sprites in the crowd took off and flew around the ceiling of the pavilion, screaming the lyrics at the pixies and elves below.

One of the younger warlocks had created a virtual stripper, and she/it (?) was doing impressive acrobatic feats on one of the pillars. An older warlock was attempting to dissipate the blue sparks but just getting small scars on his fingertips for the trouble.

Speaking of Trouble, she thought. Here he came, weaving through the crowd towards her. She removed one of her headphones from her pointy ear and listened to the urgent whisper. Her eyes widened and she grabbed the mic.

"Hey guys!!! Who's having a good time?!?!?!"

"WE ARE!!!!!!!" yelled the crowd of fairies in front of her, cheering and clapping.

"That's great everyone. But hey, DJ Holly is takin' a short break and guess who your replacement is?" Trouble paled. This was not part of the plan. "GIVE IT UP FOR DJ KELP EVERYONE!!!!"

The crowd went wild and Trouble reluctantly took the headset from Holly. "It's easy," she assured him. "Just follow the playlist here. Select the songs from here and control volume from here." And with that, she disappeared. Trouble looked at the fairies in front of him and gulped. I'm going to kill Root if this doesn't work, he vowed, and put the headphones on.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Meanwhile, Artemis was being coaxed out of his room by Butler. "Come on, Artemis. It's the first night and they expect you to make an appearance, at least."

"Expect me to, yes," quipped his master. "Want me to, no. I refuse." He crossed his arms like a five-year-old who has been denied an ice-cream.

Butler chuckled. "Oh well. Stay then." He turned to leave, and Artemis' features took on a puzzled look.

"That's it?" he asked. "You'll just let me stay?"

"Of course, Master Artemis." Butler turned around, a ghost of a smile in the corners of his mouth. "I am in no position to order you to do anything. However, it is not me whom you should be afraid of." He gave his employer a sidelong glance. "Holly would be very disappointed if you didn't show up to witness her disc jockey skills." He then bowed to Artemis and left the room.

After a few moments of deliberation and internal struggle, Artemis sighed. The big man had a point. He walked over to his closet. May as well go casual, then, he thought, and pulled out his dress slacks and sports coat.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Outside, the sun was well below the horizon and the moon was rising in the sky. It was a crescent, nowhere near full. Still, the sight gave the revelers a thrill every time they looked up and saw the real sky. It was great to be above ground.

Artemis skirted the main crowds, instead electing to take a stroll along the outer edges of the improvised carnival grounds. He had to admit, the People really knew how to party. He was just walking around the back of the photo booth when Foaly cantered up to him.

"Hello Artemis," he greeted him with a horsy grin. "Enjoying the night air?"

Artemis scowled. "And the mosquitoes, and the gnats, and all manner of night dwelling creatures."

Foaly tsked. "Now now, young Master Fowl. Certainly a mind such as yours cannot have already forgotten the web of repelling spells that our warlocks set up this afternoon to rid this area of the very pests which you describe?"

The genius' frown deepened. "Do not toy with me, centaur."

"Don't 'don't toy with me' me." was the curt reply.

Artemis was opening his mouth to unleash a comeback when Root entered his field of vision, walking towards him and Foaly. He reached them and said to the Mud Boy, "You are wanted at the Dunking Booth. Apparently they are having problems with the liquid in which the victims are to be dumped after Mulch was dropped in and infected the clean spring water which currently occupied it."

A look of disgust crept across the boy's features. "Must I be the one consulted?"

Root nodded and explained, "The pixies are all for making it melted chocolate, but the sprites want vole curry." He shrugged. "I personally side with Vinyáya, who proposes that we simply dunk the vat into the lake and use the lake water. Apparently there are various health issues involved in that."

Artemis groaned and with a disgusted "Very well" trudged towards the back of the Dunking Booth. Foaly and Root watched him go, and when he had gone, Foaly raised his eyebrows at the Commander.

"So," he said conversationally, "which one is it?"

Root pulled out a fungus cigar and stuck it in his mouth. "The curry, of course. Wouldn't want Fowl here to miss out on a true Underground dining experience, now would we?" he removed the cigar. "The tracker in your palm was a good idea. I think I timed it just right. He has a clear line to the back of the tent, so maybe he won't notice the front."

Foaly grinned and asked, "Did u get the thing?"

Root snarled at him, "Yes, I got the 'thing' and I gave it to the dwarf. Why else do you think it wasn't Mulch who came out here to get him? He has to plant it at the right time so he doesn't notice it right away."

The centaur sighed contently. "This trip was a good idea. We should do this more often. But before we make plans for the honeymoon, let's go watch the show, shall we?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Artemis reached the back flap of the Dunking Booth, he was greeted by a very soaked and very stinky Mulch. When he crinkled his nose at the smell, the dwarf shrugged. "Occupational hazard, kid," he said.

"Fine," said Artemis. "Now where do I go to settle this dispute?"

"Over here," Mulch told him, and pointed to another flap. "This tent is bigger than some of the others, to store the glop and so forth, so there are two rooms in it. Vinyáya and a few others are in there waiting for you. But I would hurry of I were you. The crowd wants to see someone get dunked."

As the Mud boy got up to leave, Mulch patted him on the back. "I'm sure you'll get it fixed in no time," he said cheerfully. The dwarf watched the boy walk towards the flap, the article he had taped to his jacket when he slapped his shoulder flapping with each step he took. Mulch allowed himself a grin. This was going to be good. He stole silently out the back flap and made his way around the small tent to the front to watch the display.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Holly arrived at the Dunking Tent. Where was Butler? Trouble had told her that he would be here. She remembered his words clearly-

"Butler needs to talk to you. He said it was something about a spider and a few loose screws. I didn't get the particulars, but he definitely said that he was going to destroy whatever it was and that he wasn't sure if Foaly would be too happy. He wants to ask you a few questions about it. He said he'd be in front of the Dunking Booth. I'd hurry if I were you. He didn't look too pleased to me."

Well, here she was, and here Butler wasn't. Maybe Trouble had gotten the location wrong. She was about to go towards the main house to look for him when a cheer came up from the Dunking booth, followed with a chanting "DUNK HIM! DUNK HIM!" She turned to look and her jaw dropped at the sight.

There was Master Artemis Fowl the Second, holding his hands up to his eyes to block the glare from the spotlights. He was standing on a large platform with a huge target painted on it. the platform was located immediately above…

It couldn't be.

But it was.

Foaly, Root, and Mulch, who had just appeared in front of the tent, all out of breath, grinned widely and slapped high fives.

Butler, who had just emerged from the back steps of the house, heard the cheering and wondered what had caused so much excitement.

And Juliet, standing in front of the booth, found herself at the table with the weighted rubber balls. She was originally standing frozen with her mouth open in am 'O', but she recovered from her shock and grinned from ear to ear. The blonde grabbed a ball, took aim and threw.

Every eye present watched the bright red ball sail in a perfect arc straight towards the bulls-eye. Sure enough, Juliet's aim was true. It smacked the target in the very center.

The platform obediently split in the middle and dumped Artemis into the largest vat of vole curry anyone present had every seen.

The roar of laughter went up immediately. Artemis found himself submerged and forced his way to the top of the vat. What he saw was sickening. Every fairy and human there was rolling around on the ground or kneeling, clutching their stomachs as they laughed as they had never laughed before.

But it was Foaly who dealt the last blow.

"Look!!!!!!!" he shouted. "What's that floating next to Fowl's head?" The comment had the desired effect. Artemis looked down and saw a hot pink object half submerged next to him. He pulled it with a curious expression, then paled as everyone except Holly almost died laughing a second time.

She yelled, "HEY!!! That's MY BRA!!!!!!!!" Then she realized what she had said and clapped her hands over her mouth, but it was too late.

Everyone had heard, and the crowd was crying, gasping for air and saying "ow, ow, ow, ow" every time a fresh set of chortles racked their body. Holly fled, her cheeks hotter than the bra that was still clasped in Artemis' left hand.

And that was how they left him, no one being nearly mobile enough to walk, much less pull the Mud Boy out of the vat of vole curry. In the end it was Butler, stifling chuckles with much effort, who dumped the huge bucket over and sorted through the dark brown and red mess to find Artemis, sitting with his legs crossed and his head in his muck-covered hands.

AN: So I hope you liked it!!!!!! It was a lot of fun to write. And Anna- I promised you Artemis getting dunked into a vat of vole curry, so here it is. I hope it lived up to your expectations.

Okay everyone, I want to continue my quest for a new title. If anyone has any ideas for a new title for this story, please please please let me know. I've hit a veritable wall on this one.

Also, I would like to ask you for your opinion- what should the dress be like that Holly wears to the Champagne Ball? I've narrowed it down to:

light tan and long w/ triangle cutouts and dark red lipstick;

dark red and mid-length and shimmery w/ sequins and big gold hoop earrings;

dark blue and long and elegant with long white gloves and black eyeliner;

or indigo and short w/ silver heels and silver eye makeup


	6. D2: P1: Chance Meetings

**Chapter Six- DAY TWO: Part One- Chance Meetings**

**Fowl Manor**

**Ireland**

**February 8**

Trouble woke up in the big Mud Man bed and glanced at the clock. 8:03. Maybe if he hurried, he could catch Juliet in the kitchen before everyone else swamped breakfast. And, he thought brightly, if he asked to help, that would show her that he was polite and willing to help out. With that he jumped (literally) off the bed and onto the carpet.

In a few minutes he was clothed and out in the hallways of Fowl manor, trying to find the kitchen. He passed a well-stocked obstacle course and smelled the intoxicating smell of cinnamon rolls again. He followed his nose and ended up in the kitchen doorway. He opened his mouth to call out and se if Juliet was there when she backed out of the pantry, frosting in hand.

She was wearing low cut blue jeans and a green t-shirt. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a ponytail with a black ribbon, and glittery green mascara covered her luxurious lashes. She was the most beautiful creature Trouble had ever seen.

Juliet continued her work, taking the third round of rolls out of the oven and smearing them with frosting. She put them aside and slid the next batch in, pressing multiple buttons. They had started baking and she was mixing the batter for the next pan when Trouble got up the courage to step into the kitchen.

"Um… good morning Juliet." She turned and smiled her pink lip-glossed smile at him.

"Good morning, Trouble." She laughed, and the poor, stricken elf thought to himself that it sounded sweeter than honey and more harmonious than church bells. "That's what my father always used to tell me in the morning. I was trouble when I was little. Always fighting the other kids and kicking their butts."

She turned back around and continued mixing the cinnamon batter. The Major found his voice and stammered, "I uh… I was just wondering if you uh… needed any help." He blushed and looked down.

Juliet smiled again and said, "Of course. Here, you scoop two of these spoonfuls out into a blob here." He did, and she proceeded to show him how to make the cinnamon rolls. By the time the last batch was ready to come out of the oven, they were covered with frosting and bits of cinnamon batter from food fights and laughing their heads off at each other's clumsiness.

The timer _ding_ed for the last time, and Trouble took the hot pan out of the oven and laid it on the counter. They spread frosting over the tops of the swirls and set them aside to cool, but they had a few spoonfuls of the creamy frosting left.

"Oh dear," sighed Juliet. "There's no place to put this icing. Except," she said brightly, "in our stomachs!" and with that she began to lick the spoon.

Trouble watched her, captivated, until she stuck the spoon in front of his face. "Here, you have some." He looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

"With the same spoon?"

She shrugged. "Why not?"

Trouble blushed. "Well, because, well, I mean, you already used it, and I don't want to, you know…"

Juliet leaned in and whispered in his ear, "You know something, Major? You're cute when you don't know what to say."

And with that she kissed him. Right there in the middle of the kitchen, still holding the tub of icing and a dripping spoon.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Holly studied the piece of paper taped to her door. It was the itinerary for the day. "Breakfast, kayaking, lunch, free time, dinner show, star gazing," she muttered to herself. Then she snorted. "Star gazing?" the elf shook her head and walked down the hallway to the kitchen.

Juliet was dumping cinnamon rolls from the cooling racks onto platters and, much to Holly's surprise, Trouble was there, filling up cups with water and orange juice. When she cleared her throat, Juliet turned around and said, "Holly! Trouble and I just finished making these cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Artemis asked me to give a box of them to every cabin that we had set up. Here, you take these boxes to the guest houses around the far edge of the lake. I'll get the ones on this side, and Trouble, you get the ones on the edge of the property on the other side of the house."

Juliet handed each of the elves a pile of boxes and the three of them set off to their assigned cabins. Holly came to the first house and knocked on the door. A few minutes later, a sleepy warlock opened the door while rubbing his eyes with the other hand. He growled at her, "What do you want?"

"Breakfast," she replied brightly. He took the box of cinnamon rolls from her and looked groggily into it.

"What are these?" he asked her with a sniff. At this, a younger and more awake warlock came to the door and looked in the box.

"They're cinnamon rolls," she told them. "They're just bread, cinnamon, and frosting. Really good, actually. Now I have to go deliver these boxes to the other cabins, so…"

The younger warlock stared at her, and a grin spread across his face. "Hey, yer the girl whose bra got dumped in the vole curry with Fowl last night, ain't ya?" He smiled wider, and punched the other fairy in the shoulder. "So it is her, Mafred! How's he doin', girlie? Is Fowl sleepin' in?" He howled his laughter, and Holly turned bright red.

The rest of the deliveries went pretty much the same as this, except for the last few, where Holly just shoved the box through a window and ran for it, calling back over her shoulder, "Breakfast! Hope you like it!"

She returned to the main house and met Butler on her way to the kitchen. He noticed her downcast expression and understood. It was not often that a Butler was the butt of a joke, but even Butlers mess up sometimes. And they get grief for it. That was a competitive family. Any slight mistake was met with a week of scorn and laughter. Now he put him big hand on the elf's shoulder and said, "If it makes it any better, I think that Artemis looks good in reddish-brown."

Holly smiled at him, appreciative of his efforts to cheer her up. That was how they entered the kitchen.

Mulch, Foaly, Root, Trouble, and Juliet were sitting at the bar (well, Foaly was standing) eating cinnamon rolls and talking quietly. They abruptly stopped when Holly came in, and Trouble stuffed a half of a roll into his mouth. Something told Holly that they were talking about her.

She scowled at them and slumped into a chair. Butler gave her a sympathetic look and a cinnamon roll. He started to speak as she wolfed down the treat.

"I need to go see to the delivery of the kayaks. Juliet, Master Artemis is still abed. If you would, please go wake him up. He needs breakfast before today. Bring him his normal breakfast tray, but throw in a cinnamon roll. Make sure he eats it." And with that, he left.

Juliet looked several shades paler than normal at the prospect of making Artemis do anything, so Holly hurriedly offered to take the tray. The Mud Girl smiled gratefully and started compiling his breakfast on a large yellow tray.

"Captain Short." It was Root. She looked at him, and he went on. "I am not about to address the events of last night, but I would like to make something perfectly clear. Whatever Fowl was doing with your… clothing, I don't want to know." He glared at her sternly, and she nodded. "Be sure it doesn't happen again."

"Yes, sir." She muttered, eyes downcast. She took the tray from Juliet and trudged up the stairs to Artemis' room.

Root watched her leave and turned to Foaly with a raised eyebrow. The centaur nodded appreciatively. "Very convincing. And good acting, Juliet. You looked like you were being faced with the option of Mulch's backside or what comes out of it." The Mud Girl, who was looking pleased at herself, suddenly set down her cinnamon roll at that image.

Butler poked his large head back in the door. "Did she take it?" Everyone nodded, and the big man chuckled. "This is going to be so fun. Good job last night too. I don't know how you got Holly's bra, Mulch, but kudos to you." He closed the door and left his eavesdropping position to actually go check on the kayaks.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Holly balanced the tray on her knee and knocked on Artemis' door. There was no answer, so she pushed it open and walked in.

The room was impressive in the morning light filtering through the sheer curtains. There was no doubt about it. Dark chestnut paneled floors, creamy walls, large four-poster bed hung in off-white fabric. Multiple bookcases lined the walls, and a desk with multiple laptops and cables on it sat in the corner.

Artemis wasn't anywhere to be seen, so Holly set the tray on his desk and walked over to the windows. They covered almost all of one wall. She pulled aside one of the curtains and gasped in pleasure at the view. The rolling green hills of Ireland stretched away towards the sea in the distance, and a forest next to the house had just given up its ice and was beginning to grow back after the short winter.

As she was surveying the scene before her, Artemis entered the room from his closet. He saw her and said in surprise, "Holly."

She whirled around and was opening her mouth to explain why she was in his room when she noticed his clothing. "Artemis? Are those… _blue jeans_??????"

He shifted uncomfortably. "Yes, unfortunately. It seems that someone has seen it necessary to raid my closet and replace my clothing." He gestured towards the door behind him. Holly stepped around him and entered.

It was a fairly expansive closet. There were shelves, drawers, rods with hangers, and a stack of open fronted boxes to hold shoes. However, she saw no suits or Armani loafers. Instead, there were blue jeans, casual shirts, Sperry's, and (she had to smile) a black hoodie jacket.

Artemis entered behind her and swept his hand around him, encompassing the scene before them. "I have been forced to clothe myself in… this. It is extremely inconvenient." Holly looked at him and had to admit that he looked a bit out of place.

There were the blue jeans over some sort of dark shoe. He had chosen a white t-shirt with some sort of faded orange pattern on it and a light blue button up over it, buttoned and tucked in. she sighed and told him, "You really don't know how to dress yourself for the modern-day teenage life, now do you?" He glared at her, and she shrugged. "Here, let me help."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Downstairs in the kitchen, Trouble, Juliet, Root, Foaly, and Mulch were gathered around the device on the counter, watching the scene unfold upstairs. "Oh man, this is _so_ good," cackled Mulch.

"Quiet, convict," ordered the Commander, eyes glued to the screen.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Holly untucked the shirts from his pants, and Artemis felt a quiver in the pit of his stomach. Blasted puberty, he thought angrily to himself. She's trying to help you. Concentrate and learn from this. He found it very hard to concentrate, however.

"Take off that blue shirt," she said. He narrowed his eyes at her, and she stuck out her tongue. "Well? Do you want to look like an idiot who cannot dress himself?" This hit home, and Artemis reluctantly slipped the shirt over his head.

"Now," instructed Holly, "white does nothing for pale skin." _[__AN: believe me, I know.__]_ She hunted through the t-shirts in a drawer and found a dark orange one. "Here." She handed it to him. "Put this on."

He looked at her and said, "What, with you looking on?"

She replied, "Why is that a problem, Artemis? Got any tattoos I shouldn't know about?" however, seeing his uncomfortable look, she gave in and turned around. Holly could hear the rustle of fabric against skin and resisted the urge to turn around.

"What now?" She turned around and went to the hanging clothing.

"This." It was a dark green zip-up sweater. He took it from her and shoved his pale limbs into the sleeves.

Artemis turned in place and asked Holly, "Am I now acceptable?"

She smiled at him. "Very nice, Artemis. You clean up well." And with that she disappeared.

Artemis stood there, contemplating the events of just a few moments ago. Then he shook his head. "Blasted puberty," he muttered, and left his closet.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kayaking was interesting. A few of the fairies got lake-sick. One sprite thought it would be funny to get a bunch of his friends and start pelting the other revelers with water balloons. It turned into an all-out war between the handful of sprites armed with water balloons and about five young warlocks shooting blue sparks out of their fingers and popping the balloons on the sprites.

Mulch refused to get on the kayak, so he and the handful of other dwarfs that were there stayed on the shore for a few minutes until it got too boring. They came up with a plan (with a bit of help from Foaly, who couldn't fit in a kayak) and started burrowing under the lake. When their sensitive beard hairs detected a boat above them, they shot up through the water in mass and tipped the kayak over, then "propel" themselves back to the bottom and wait underground for the next boat.

This caused some of the sillier pixies in the first kayak to scream about a "Sea Monster in the Loch" and start furiously paddling back to shore after they flipped the boat back over and pulled themselves back in.

All in all, it was still fun.

Lunch was mainly uneventful. The spaghetti caused a bit of a stir when a goblin accidently set his plate on fire. Apparently his tiny brain couldn't comprehend the fact that the slimy stuff was oil, not stink worm juice. Holly doubted he knew that oil was highly flammable.

She chose to spend her afternoon free time in the library. It's really a beautiful room, she thought as she wandered aimlessly through the high bookshelves. To her delight, the Fowls had almost every genre and author imaginable, as well as a comfortable corner with a floor heater, a fuzzy rug, and a multitude of chair and lamps.

By 5:00, she was engrossed in a Greek Myths and Legends book. She had just gotten to the story of Athena and Arachne and the Spinning Contest when she heard footsteps. She glanced over her shoulder and did a double take.

It was Juliet. And she was not alone.

There was Trouble, holding her in his arms and whispering in her ear. The Mud Girl sighed and put her chin on his shoulder, eyes closed. "I know, Trouble." She spoke so softly that Holly had to strain her ears to hear her. "There's no way. But if only for this trip, please, let's just make the most of this." She opened her eyes and Holly ducked back behind the back of the armchair she was sitting in, but it was too late. Juliet had seen her.

"Holly!" There was a gasp, whispered words, and footsteps towards the door. It slammed, and Juliet came around to the other side of the chair, head down and wringing her hands. "So I guess you know now," she said slowly. Holly looked up at her, and the Mud Girl raised her eyes.

"Please don't tell the Commander," she begged the elf. "We know it can't last. We just want to be together, that's it. Just for his time here, even, will be a blessing. We don't want anyone to know and try to keep us apart."

"Calm down, Juliet," Holly told her gently. "I won't tell anyone. My lips are sealed." She did a pantomime of zipping up her lips and throwing away the key.

A huge grin broke out of Juliet's worried face and she smothered the Captain in a hug. "Thank you _so_ much Holly! I knew I could count on you!!!!" she gave her an extra squeeze and another grateful smile, then hurried out of the library. Holly shook her head and went back to reading.


	7. D2: P2: Fortune Cookie

**Chapter Seven- DAY TWO: Part Two- Fortune Cookie**

**Fowl Manor**

**Ireland**

**February 8**

Root walked into the Banquet Hall and surveyed the arrangements. A large projector sat in the corner, and Foaly clopped up behind him and said, "Ooh, laser projector. I haven't seen one of these in centuries. Maybe they will be giving us a laser show of the cavemen who built this thing." He chuckled at the ancient machine and went with the Commander to go find their assigned seats. Most of the fairies who entered just looked at it curiously and muttered to each other.

The centaur plopped himself down in the specially modified chair that he had brought from Haven and Root took his place to the right of Artemis' seat. The fairies were still trickling in from their "free time" and it was five minutes until dinner was scheduled to begin when Artemis arrived. It seemed that someone had taken pity on him and returned a suit to his closet. Butler sat down across from his young master.

"So," growled Root, "what's the dinner show?"

Artemis replied, "Juliet is finalizing the arrangements. She will be the one announcing the event. Or events." He looked slightly frustrated at this, so Root decided to drop it.

Five minutes later, all the fairies were seated. Holly had hurried in at the last minute, Trouble hot on her tail. Foaly raised an eyebrow at her as she slid into the seat across from him, but she just shook her head and said darkly, "Don't ask. You _really_ don't want to know."

Juliet entered, looking stunning in her short green hostess dress. She cleared her throat and all eyes in the room riveted on her. "Tonight, we will be welcoming the esteemed Monsieur Bastien as our cook." She paused as the room erupted in whispered exclamations of surprise. Monsieur Bastien was the most famous cook in the Lower Elements, cooking only for the most elite restaurants and families. Once the murmurs subsided, Juliet went on. "Then, between the salad and entrée courses, while Monsieur Bastien is preparing your chosen meals, we will be treated to a laser show, prepared by myself." She nodded graciously at the light pattering of applause (started by Trouble) and went to her seat.

A team of pixies in short, powder blue dresses with white aprons embroidered with a large, elaborate "B" scuttled out of a side door and quickly passed around menus. Then, with a few Middle Eastern, veiled dancers of blue sparks, the fat old sprite emerged from the kitchen. The fairies clapped enthusiastically. He smiled broadly and flourished his arm in a bow.

The carefully prepared meal was delicious. The appetizers ranged from large corn chips with slices of tomatoes and delicate seasonings to lemon wedges in algae to spinach and beetle dip. The five different soups were wonderful: tomato bisque, cheese and tarantula leg soup, oyster and shrimp chowder, three mushroom stew, and a light vegetable broth. A bed of lettuce was placed before each diner and a wide range of toppings were offered. The pixies really knew what they were doing, and Monsieur Bastien himself walked among the tables, accepting compliments and offering his opinion.

"I prepared the three mushroom myself," he told one of the Captains proudly. "It is an old family recipe. And the trick is to know how old the mushrooms are before you use them. They must all be of the same age, preferably only a few years old. Also," here he leaned in and whispered in the elf's ear, "I add a touch of cinnamon. It brings out the natural sweetness in the fungus." The Captain nodded, entranced and wide-eyed, and the cook moved on.

As the salad plates were being cleared away, the team of pixies circled the Banquet Hall, taking down orders for the main course. After that was done, Juliet stood up again. "I think we can all say that Monsieur Bastien is undoubtedly the best cook in all the Lower Elements. Let us give him a well deserved round of applause." The sprite bowed and returned to the kitchen to oversee the creation of the entrées.

Juliet watched him go. He really was an excellent chef. She had tried almost everything that had been set before her, except the cheese and tarantula leg soup. While she was an adventurous person, she wasn't that adventurous. Watching Mulch inhale it like liquid chocolate had made her shiver.

But now she stood up. Time to put into action the next stage of their plan. For now she, Trouble, and even Butler had been convinced to join the cause.

"And now, I give to you the laser presentation." She continued talking as she walked over to the projector. "Tonight, you will be watching a representation in lasers of King Frond's defeat at the Battle of Ochre Stew. Then, as Part Two, I have taken the liberty of consulting Commander Root in military tactics and he has given me what I believe is an accurate description of the tactics that would have won the battle for the great elfin king." Root stood up and waved as the fairies started clapping. They all knew that he had majored in military tactics in high school, and he was considered the leading expert in that field at the time. _[AN: reference- "The Artemis Fowl Files" page 94]_

Artemis glared at the Commander as he sat down. He had known what the presentation was going to be. He had just asked Artemis to needle him about not knowing. The Commander was a diabolical person, no doubt about it.

The lights went out, and the fairies angled their heads up as the laser show began. It was really good, actually. Even Foaly was entranced by the warring figures above his head. Then he remembered his mission. Looking over the table, he saw that Holly was just as enraptured as the others. Keeping his head angled upwards and his eyes on the elf, he pulled a small vial of light purple fluid out from a pocket on his coat. Slowly, slowly, he thought, and stretched his arm across the table towards her drink. A few seconds later, the liquid was in her cup and the vial was back in his pocket. He grinned, pleased with himself, and turned his attention back to the show.

On the other side of the room, Root was doing the same to Artemis' drink. This is going to be interesting, he thought.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Monsieur Bastien really knows how to cook a meal, thought Holly. The creamy scallion potatoes that she had ordered with her fresh spinach and egg (not fertilized, of course) frittata were the best she had ever had, and potatoes were popular underground. She finished the last one, and a serving pixie immediately came over with a ceramic bowl of steaming potatoes. "More, Madame?" she asked her.

Holly considered it. On the one hand, she probably didn't need them. But then again, it wasn't every day you got scallion potatoes this good. "I guess," she told the pixie. "But only a little."

She was scooped a ladle full and the waitress moved on. As Holly dug in, she saw something poking out from inside of her frittata. She pulled it out. It was a slip of paper. She unfolded it with curiosity, then confusion.

_Meet me at the entrance to the garden maze tonight at midnight._

Was that… Artemis' handwriting? It certainly looked like it. But why would he want to meet her, especially so late at night. This had to be a joke. There was no way she was going.

She still felt uncertain however, so she took a sip of her light white wine to calm her nerves.

Holly looked towards Artemis, and her breath caught. He was talking to the Commander, his expression intense. The icy blue eyes captivated her, although she would rather face an angry troll than admit it. He seemed to sense her eyes on him, and the blue collided with hazel. She had to turn away; his gaze was an intense, blue-eyed stare, and she knew now that she would go to meet him in the garden.

She had to.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Artemis had no desire to try the more exotic plates on the menu, but he didn't want to offend the cook. So when he asked for a suggestion and got "The tadpole and algae paddies" as an answer, he was caught between the hypothetical rock and the theoretical hard place.

He ended up ordering the cook's second suggestion. Now he was indulging in a second helping of the linguini in spicy clam sauce with a lemon and tomato bread.

"So, Fowl," said the Commander, "where is the star gazing going to take place?"

Artemis swallowed his mouthful of spicy pasta and took a sip of his spring water to cool down the gentle heat in his mouth. "We have provided a lawn blanket for everyone. We will be situating ourselves on the grass of the front lawn."

He blinked as his eyes suddenly felt dry. Very spicy pasta, he thought, and took another sip of his drink.

"There is supposed to be a meteor shower tonight," he continued. "It worked out nicely, actually. Otherwise, we probably would have been forced to come up with another activity."

Artemis felt eyes on him, and he turned his head slightly. Wide hazel eyes connected with his own, and he felt a tug in the bottom of his stomach. Holly looked away before he did, and he shook his head slightly and went back to his conversation with the Commander.

A few minutes later, the entrée dishes were cleared away and several huge dessert platters were brought out. Two trays and pixies were placed at each table. A small brunette fairy asked Artemis, "An' what for you, Monzieur? Le zhef 'az recommended zat you try 'iz peanut butter pie whiz le chocolate zyrup zat 'e 'az provided for you ezpezially. 'e zayz zat it iz a gift from 'im for 'aving 'im 'ere."

"Of course I will have it then," he told her. She nodded demurely and cut him the first slice of the pie. It did look good. Then she handed him a small pitcher of dark chocolate syrup "for le pie."

The young Fowl thanked her and tipped the contents of the pitcher into the slice. He had finished smothering his dessert when he noticed a small slip of white paper taped to the bottom of the clear pitcher. He glanced at Root, who was attacking a large fudge-nut brownie as if it had personally offended him, and Butler, who was still in the process of choosing his dessert.

Artemis slid the tape off of the piece of paper and set down the pitcher. He unfolded the paper in his lap.

_Meet me at the entrance to the garden maze tonight at midnight._

Who…? Then, with a shock, he recognized Holly's handwriting. Why would she want to meet him in the garden? He remembered the gaze they had shared earlier. Did that have anything to do with this? Artemis would bet that I did.

He would go to the garden. Who knows what she wanted?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After dessert was finished, Juliet announced, "Thank you Monsieur Bastien for a delicious meal. We truly appreciate you coming up here today." He bowed as the room erupted in cheers and applause, then returned to the kitchen to pack up and head back to Haven.

"Now, there is a meteor shower scheduled to happen tonight. We have provided a lawn blanket for each person present: it's in your cabin, in the chest at the foot of your bed. We will have water, lemonade, coffee and tea available in 30 minutes on the front lawn, when the shower is supposed to start. You are welcome to leave at any time. Thank you for a pleasant dinner. I'll see you on the lawn!"

She flounced out the door, and the noise level swelled as the fairies got up and laughed and joked on their way out. Holly got up and walked out with Foaly, trying her best not to look at Artemis. In not looking at him, she missed the glance that passed between Foaly and Root. The centaur raised an eyebrow, and the Commander nodded back. Both of them were thinking the same thing: they had poured the potion, and they had set the bait. Now the only thing to do was wait and see if they took it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was 11:48 pm and Artemis was getting antsy. He was having doubts about this.

He was sitting in the shadows on a bench near the entrance to the maze, watching his watch and the sky alternately. Maybe it wasn't her handwriting. Maybe someone just taped that note to the chocolate as a joke. It was a very realistic possibility. But in the meantime, he thought, I shall watch the meteors.

He stayed this way until exactly midnight, when the bells in a church over the hill tolled the hour. He looked around. No Holly. So it had been a prank after all. He was surprised to find that he was actually disappointed. When he stood up, however, he heard a small, "Artemis?"

He whirled around. Holly was standing a few feet away from him. His jaw dropped.

She was wearing the most beautiful white dress he had ever seen. It plunged low on her chest and pulled tight to her waist and hips, widening out to brush the ground and her bare feet. Artemis took it all in with wide eyes and the bottom dropped out of his stomach. "H…Holly?"

She smiled, her teeth glittering in the light from the meteors, and fluttered her lashes. "Yes, Artemis?"

Her voice crashed into the poor, hormone stricken boy like a tsunami. It was low and syrupy, and it rang in his ears long after she had finish speaking the words. Seeing that he was completely unable to talk, she crossed the space between them.

"Are you alright?" she asked him, here eyebrows drawing together in concern.

He found his voice, but it cracked on the first noise he uttered. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Yes, I'm fine. But why… that dress, and the note, and…" He shook his head, unable to go on.

She smiled again. "Follow me." She then turned and ran into the maze, long white dress billowing behind her.

"Holly, wait!" He called. When she didn't turn around, he took a breath and plunged into the maze. Where was she? He didn't see her anywhere, not even a flash of the white dress that she was wearing.

He trudged on, running between the hedges and getting hopelessly lost. Still he ran on.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Holly arrived at the entrance of the maze at 12:03, out of breath. She had been delayed by Trouble, who had wanted to shower her with thanks for keeping his and Juliet's secret. She had told him over and over that it was no big deal, thinking that he would never stop. When he finally did, she ran off so quickly that she missed Foaly behind her. That was the signal. They had watched her run off and, when she turned the corner, slapped high fives and settled in with a blanket and Foaly's laptop to watch the show.

She stopped running and put her hands on her knees, panting. She looked around for Artemis, but didn't see him anywhere. She put her hand in her pocket and pulled out the note. _Meet me at the entrance to the garden maze tonight at midnight._ Seemed pretty cut and dry. Then again, Artemis was not a patient person, and it was… she glanced at her moon meter. 12:04.

Looking around again, the elf noticed a bench by the entrance. She went to sit down and felt that the seat was warm. Someone had been here, recently too, and she would bet her first set of acorns that it was Artemis.

Ugh. Stupid Trouble. Holly put her head in her hands and groaned her frustration.

"Holly, are you here?" her head shot up, and she saw Artemis. He was standing by the edge of the maze looking around. For her, presumably.

"Artemis!" she called. He turned and her eyes widened. He was shirtless and, in the moonlight, he looked as if he had been carved out of marble by Michelangelo.

She remained speechless for a moment, then said, "Um, Artemis, um, you asked me to, eh, and I, I just, uh…" She stopped, realizing that she was making no sense.

He laughed, a rich, heavy laugh that set Holly on the edge of the bench. "Come on, Holly," he said, and gestured for her to follow him. "Let's go have an adventure."

And before she could say anything, he had bolted into the maze. Holly got up and ran after him. This was… so strange, and yet so perfect. Artemis Fowl, wanting to have an adventure? Artemis Fowl, running?

Artemis Fowl, _**shirtless????**_

Yet she plunged into the maze of hedges, calling, "Artemis! WAIT!"


	8. Story for Sale

**Story for Sale**

Hey everyone. I have a proposal to make.

I realized that I have no more time nor drive to finish this story. So this is what I propose to do:

If you want to finish An Artemis Fowl Valentines Day, send me a comment saying you want to complete it. Also give me a brief summary of what you want the ending to be. The rules are as follows:

1. Artemis and Holly have to end up together, period. I'm a MAJOR Holly/Artemis shipper, so if you are going to finish my story, hold on to that.

2. You have to keep the chapters that I already have exactly as they are. No changing them.

3. I MUST approve your ownership of the story. If I don't say you can have it, don't copy and paste it all into your own story.

4. You must use the ending you sent me. Don't tell me you are going to use a lovey-dovey fluffy ending and then kill everyone.

Those are the rules. If I approve your ending, here's what to do:

-I will reply to the comment in which you sent me your proposed storyline. YOU WILL KNOW IF IT'S YOU OR NOT.

-I will also give you my email address. When you have completed a chapter, send it to me as an attachment and I will upload it.

Do not worry: I will give you full credit for all chapters and plot twists and EVERYTHING that you send me to add.

Please send all requests for "ownership" by Friday November 27, 2009.


End file.
